When Somebody Else Tries to Tell You How You Should Grieve

when somebody else tries
to tell you how you should grieve

smile and forgive them
through your watering eyes

and then imagine
how lonely it must be
to be the person who
audits the tears
of other people

the well-intended
will tell you how
long you should miss
your beloved

but
you take your time

grief is a hedge maze
and being lost inside of it

is more than okay

don’t race through
your heartache

because you might
just miss a miracle
or two

in the teardrops rolling
down your face

don’t grieve quickly
just to make somebody
else feel better

if you need to,
let your grief
become a coral reef

let the algae of your hurt
slowly form over the years
into the softest violet hue of heaven

it can take two lifetimes to recover

when our beloved becomes
an empty chair

it’s okay

take as much time
as you need

your healing is your healing

and the scars of absence
will itch longer than you can imagine

but that is because you
risked to love so deeply

and that is far better than
the alternative

I am proud of you

and the courage it
takes for you to grieve
so fearlessly

“grief is a hedge maze and being lost inside of it is more than okay”

don’t listen to those
who want you to go back
to normal

normal will never exist again
for those of us who have
lost a part of our heart

if the moon broke in half
would it feel normal?

to hell with normal

normal was their scent on your collar
normal was their voice resting in your ear
normal was their touch on your skin

you have a new normal

it’s looking at the shape of clouds
for messages from the great beyond
that your beloved is fine

you have a new normal

it’s building a cabin in
the woods of your memory
where you and your beloved
can meet for lunch

you have a new normal
it’s crying and laughing
at the same time
whenever their favorite
song plays on the radio

grief isn’t the enemy
of life

numbness is

don’t become numb to your suffering

welcome it in
and let it wrap you
up like a blanket

whenever it shows up
at your door

it’s okay

I swear

it’s okay

your beloved misses you just
as much as you miss them

and someday
you two will
get all tangled up
together again

someday
you two will
push each on a
swing again under
a shower of falling blooms

and someday
you two will ride
comets together
on the edge of everything

and someday
you two will giggle
at all of the people
who tried to tell you

how to grieve

~ John Roedel (johnroedel.com)