Invitation to Live Again

There is a song I listen to occasionally that has a line I have copied and written on a sticky note to keep near my desk. As the note is within my line of sight while I am working I see it quite often. The line is, “Do you have the strength to sit with each moment?” (Shine Bright, by The Polish Ambassador, Ayla Nereo, Mr. Lif). My response to that question is now, “Yes, yes I do, “ even though there had been many times in the past that I doubted it a great deal.

You see, after my husband’s death, I experienced five other major life losses within the next year. At one point I thought I was going to die from the grief, stress and anxiety. God and I had a few conversations through that time period, with one of the conversations starting as, “God, if are actively trying to kill me then you are doing a pretty good job of it.” The response that I heard back was, “Well, you are still here, aren’t you? You have the strength inside you and there is a job you still need to do and a purpose you must live.” Whoa. Whew. Wow.

Even though I am still grieving from and recovering from all the losses it is pretty humbling to realize that none of it is really about me. I am not meant to concentrate only on the death and losses. This is about me discovering a larger sense of living, finding the strength and courage to expand into a new normal.

Much of my grief before that response was my only searching in the past for what was missing. Sometimes what is missing is not only the other person who died, it is our own more complete sense of self in this living moment. Sometimes what is missing is a part of ourselves in this life that we need to discover, embrace and offer to the world. We need to keep going. I was invited to understand this grief process and invited to more fully participate in life. Not just because of the losses, despite them.

You do have the strength inside of you, to patiently sit with each moment, to carry you until you are ready to accept the invitation to live more fully again.