HER NAME IS COLLEEN
The Only Motivation I Will Ever Need
I never fully appreciated the strength and determination that was so much a part of my wife, Colleen’s heart until I was faced with her eternal absence in our lives. You see, she unexpectedly lost her first husband, Rob, July 4, 1999. They had been married just three years with a beautiful and vibrant baby girl who was just 9-months old when he passed. To be thrust into a sudden loss of her love and partner while facing the reality of being the sole caregiver for a baby is inconceivable.
The eldest of five children, strength was simply part of who Colleen was. She experienced the loss of her husband – and her planned future – at just 28 years old. They had dated since college and had experienced life, laughter, and family loss together over that time. They had cultivated a wonderful life, which was tipped upside down in a blink of an eye. I am continually humbled at her resolve, as I am unsure if I could have risen up as gracefully and determined as I know she had.
When Colleen passed, we were just shy of celebrating 15 years of marriage, and I can tell you, she did not want to go. Her main concern was – and most likely still is – our children. The thought of her children facing a future without their mother saddened her greatly. I can say with certainty, her strength lives on in our children and always will.
LIFE WAS WONDERFULLY COMPLICATED
From the Way We Met to Our Blended Families
I met my wife, Colleen, in November 2003 through a mutual friend. As the story goes, I was in the midst of a divorce, working as an Art Director when co-workers gathered for lunch with a previous employee, Jane. I joined the group, happy to see how our friend, a new mother, was doing. As lunch came to a close, she came to me and asked if I was dating. Taken a bit by surprise, I told her, “No, I’m fine, thank you.” Jane, undaunted, continued talking of a friend of hers she felt I should meet and concluded with a simple but poignant statement, “You can always use another friend.”
That friend, of course, was Colleen. We began our relationship with a harmless email introduction and continued chatting online for about two weeks as we both got to know each other. Jane had made me aware of Colleen’s loss and her daughter, who was now five, but it was refreshing to hear how Colleen spoke of her daughter and their life after loss. Together we decided to take the next step and meet in person, making a double date with Jane and her husband since she was the mutual connection. To say our first date went well would be an understatement. Colleen and I even capped off the night with one last drink and continued talking. She was always so easy to talk to, even that very first night.
I soon knew there was something extraordinary about Colleen, so much so I looked forward to finding reasons to see her. Colleen was clear from the start that her little girl would always be her number one priority, so our dating tended to be sporadic movie nights at her house once her daughter was in bed. I respected her need to separate her two worlds at the time. I even volunteered late one December night to help her wrap presents so we could spend some time together. After a few months, it came time to meet her family and that of her late husband. I understood this introduction, for both families, would be a difficult one for all. I focused on respecting Colleen’s history and Rob’s memory, not wanting to be the new guy in Colleen’s life to replace or disrupt any memory deep in her heart. As time moved forward, I believe the families understood that and welcomed me into the fold.
To this day, her late husband’s family is very much a part of our lives and always will be. Over the years, we strategically shared holidays across all three families, the very best thing we could have ever done for our – her – daughter. In fact, her father-in-law, Bob, had always considered our boys a part of his extended family. The most heartwarming example of that came at his granddaughter’s rehearsal dinner. Bob discussed his grandchildren with people he had recently met and went on to share how many there were. It was at that moment realized he had added our boys to the count!
So yes, our boys have cousins who are not indeed cousins, but that honestly doesn’t matter. Because in their hearts and among their history, they are. It was always crucial to Colleen to maintain that connection with her late husband’s family for her daughter’s sake, which speaks volumes about who she was. Always willing to take that extra step to do the right thing, help the right person, and make the life around her just a bit better. Our life may have had complications that others may not have experienced, but it was all worth every bit of effort. We created a life blending everything and everyone we loved and that, in and of itself, truly defines who Colleen was, from how we met to our life together.
