Podcast

Approximately two months ago, I came across the phrase, "Die with memories, not dreams." Revisiting it today, I still perceive it as a profound and meaningful mantra to embrace in life. This perspective prompts me to ponder the question for all of us: "How many dreams do you currently hold that have yet to transform into memories?" In addition, which of these dreams are within your capacity to pursue? More importantly, I believe a crucial question remains for myself, personally: Will I actively pursue them? Will you?

Have you ever found yourself in the company of friends in a laid-back, public environment, only to unexpectedly trip and tumble to the ground? In that moment, as you gather yourself and try to maintain your composure, there's a touch of embarrassment that creeps in. You attempt to find humor in the situation before your friends do.

I acknowledge that this might seem like an unusual analogy, but I'd like to propose that there's a facet of navigating life with grief that mirrors this experience. Join me as I explore the connection a common trip and tumble has with the daily struggles with grief.

In this episode, although it centers on the unique perspective of an individual who has experienced the loss of a child, its overarching message seamlessly extends to encompass any form of loss and grief. The discussion today delves into the insights of someone navigating the intricate path of grief, offering a profound understanding of their thought processes while interacting with others during this journey. Their candid words provide a truthful and straightforward examination of the mindset associated with grief, shedding light not only on the immediate weeks or months post-loss but, somewhat surprisingly, even extending to years beyond. Throughout the dialogue, I will integrate personal observations and experiences into each of the "Ten Things to Know About Grief," with the goal of fostering a more accurate comprehension of grief. Whether you find yourself supporting someone on their grief journey or personally navigating this path with uncertainty about what lies ahead, the aim is to enhance understanding and provide insight into the unpredictable nature of the grieving process.

Throughout numerous episodes of the Journey to Grateful podcast, I have consistently emphasized the overarching notion of the significance of simply being present for someone grappling with grief. It doesn't necessitate extravagant or intricate actions to provide assistance; the key is to just show up.

I'm confident that many individuals, like myself, have aspired to offer meaningful support to someone navigating loss, only to struggle with a sense of inadequacy regarding what we can genuinely do to help. I often find myself pondering the deceptively simple question, "What can I do to help?" Over the years, my conclusion has become clear: "Showing up" is the most impactful gesture.

Whether it involves sitting by their side, providing a listening ear, or serving as a sounding board for their emotions, there is immense power and value in the act of showing up. It begins with the subtle yet profound gesture of being the person your friend can authentically open up to when they feel ready to do so.

The sense of loneliness following a loss isn't solely a result of the absence of a loved one; it is exacerbated by friends and family who may choose to maintain distance due to the belief that they can't offer any assistance or simply because they are unwilling to confront the uncomfortable realities of grief.

Allow me to share a story that might enhance our comprehension of The Power of Showing Up and underscore the importance of the smallest, considerate gestures.

Amidst the depths of sorrow, there arises a crucial need for us to be gently nudged toward vital facets of our lives that often get brushed aside. Some of these elements are overt, while others manifest in subtler ways; however, the reminder is equally imperative. It's a call to acknowledge the elements in our lives that still warrant gratitude, even amid grief.

We must be prompted to recognize that there remains a reservoir of gratitude within us. Moreover, we need to be aware of the importance of self-care, extending not only to ourselves but also to those in our circle who share in the grieving process for the same loss. We must be confident in our strength, surpassing our self-perceived limits and assuring ourselves that a path forward can be found.

In pursuit of this purpose, I wish to offer you a written piece that adopts a distinctive tone narrated through the perspective of our departed loved one.

The episode's title hints at yet another analogy aimed at describing grief, attempting to articulate what the experience feels like. If you're a regular listener, you're likely aware of my belief in the power of analogies to provide a more accurate understanding of what grief truly is and how it profoundly affects those in mourning. The very reason behind the creation of the Journey to Grateful podcast is to demystify grief and make it a more accessible topic.

The forthcoming analogy I'm about to share is remarkably apt, offering the clearest depiction of the intricate and all-encompassing nature of the grief experience.

Consider this thought-provoking question: Are you letting grief be a part of your life and your daily experience as someone who is grieving? Maybe the better question is whether you've ever thought about intentionally "Letting grief in."

This notion isn't necessarily groundbreaking; counselors and therapists likely share similar advice. However, I've grown to value this concept more deeply as I've navigated my own journey. Now, I've stumbled upon words that might help you appreciate the benefits of actively embracing grief into your life. Join me as I discuss this challenging mindset and how it can help you.

The axiom, "The Topic is Universal, the Experience is Individual," was coined by my good friend, Angie Robinson, within the context of her podcast, The Practically Perfect Leader. While her original discussion centered on self-awareness and leadership development, I discerned a broader connection, particularly in relation to the complex domain of grief.

Though Angie's primary focus pertains to themes of business leadership and team cultivation, I have often noticed a remarkable resonance with a broader audience, including those navigating the intricacies of grief. This idea of a subject having a universal connection with so many while maintaining individual experiences as suggested by Angie, I believe can unexpectedly converge with the deeply personal experience of grief.

In my interpretation, the phrase "The Topic is Universal, the Experience is Individual" serves as a nuanced and efficient explanation of the paradox inherent in grief—being a shared human experience while manifesting uniquely for each individual. This conceptual framework encapsulates the duality of grief, wherein common threads unite us, yet the lived experience remains profoundly personal and distinctive.

The human heart is this complex landscape, hosting a medley of seemingly contradictory emotions - love and loss, grief and gratitude, sorrow and celebration, endings and beginnings. Our existence is this intricate dance of emotions, a constant ebb and flow that presents a challenging tension.

I've come to understand that these conflicting emotions can coexist harmoniously, each holding its truth simultaneously. This insightful reflection comes from the talented poet Liz Newman, known for her contemplative pieces, delving into grief, love, family, faith, and mental health themes.

I stumbled upon Liz's work through her Facebook posts, and honestly, her writing resonates with me. The way she articulates the juxtaposition of love and loss, grief and gratitude intrigued me.

It makes me wonder if, as a society, we typically view these opposing emotions as occurring simultaneously. In my own experiences, especially with grief and gratitude, and come to think of it, sorrow and celebration, I've found that these emotions can exist side by side and be authentic all at once – sometimes even within the same moment. It's a nuanced perspective that warrants consideration and reflection.

Grief has been a profound teacher throughout my journey, revealing invaluable lessons. Perhaps the most significant insight it has illuminated is the universal thread that ties us all together in our experiences with sorrow. While it may seem an unlikely benefit, grief has a way of bringing people closer, offering solace in shared struggles. In the midst of sorrow, support becomes a comforting ally. The act of sharing stories becomes a beacon, reassuring us that we are not navigating this path alone. It's from this common ground that I'm thrilled to welcome today's guest, Kira Pouge, onto the show. Kira and I share a connection through our encounters with grief. Having been a devoted listener to the Journey to Grateful podcast for over a year, Kira, like me, has grappled with the loss of her mom several years ago. In the spirit of our shared and diverse experiences, we decided to open up a conversation we had back in September to share with all of you in this podcast community. So, join us as we delve into a heartfelt discussion, exploring grief support from every angle.