Podcast

I've been considering the subject matter for this episode over the past few months, and honestly, I've been hesitant to dive into it. I can't explain, even to myself, why I've kept pushing it off, but somehow, now feels like the right time. Sometimes, the episode topics I examine feel like chores—something you aren't looking forward to and need to be in the right mood and proper mindset to tackle. I suppose that's where I was with this subject, and now I find myself in the right frame of mind to explore it. I suspect this will be an important topic to examine for the benefit of many others, as I know I am not alone in my struggles with redefining what once was "we" and is now simply "me."

Over the past four years as a widower, I have often been asked how I have managed to navigate my grief so well. I honestly don't believe I navigate grief better than most at all. From my perspective, it remains a ball of chaos, both externally and internally, and I feel it will always be that way to some extent. There are three things I believe I do well. First, I focus on living as my wife, Colleen, encouraged me. Second, I try to identify the details of my life for which I should and can be grateful. Third, I set SMART goals for my grief. Specifically, an organized method to set and achieve a goal through a realistic, step-by-step thought process. Let's discuss how setting SMART goals in grief can be a catalyst for walking more successfully with grief while attempting to find a way forward.

As time progresses, we experience moments where we find ourselves being the first. You might be the first to turn 16 and pass your driver's test or a few years out of college; you might be the first among your friends to become engaged or married. These life’s firsts can reveal both positives and negatives. For instance, being the first to buy a house can be thrilling, but getting a coveted driver’s license often means becoming the designated driver for your entire friend group. On the other hand, being the last can have its ups and downs. The last to get a driver’s license might receive very little fanfare since everyone else has already experienced it.

Similarly, what can be said about being the first to experience significant loss or the last in your friend group to do so? Are there positives or negatives involved in these particular firsts and lasts of life? Let's take a moment to delve deeper into this topic and consider any experiences you might have had that highlight the benefits or drawbacks of being first or last in significant life events.

Throughout the journey of this podcast, I've often remarked on the diverse sources from which episode inspiration emerges. Since its launch on April 4, 2021, I have been astounded by the avenues through which inspiration finds me. It might spring from social media, conversations with loved ones, or even the intricate lyrics of a song. Whenever these sparks of inspiration occur, it's as if a dim light in my world suddenly brightens, signaling a message worth sharing. For today's episode, I find myself drawn to a poem that resonates deeply, echoing a theme that has been heard in this podcast since its inception: the enduring nature of grief. This poem is a poignant reminder that grief is a journey without a clear endpoint. Understanding this reality can offer solace and insight, fostering compassion and empathy as we traverse this path with resilience and understanding.

In today's discussion, I want to revisit an earlier episode, Episode #45, titled "What's in Your Cup?" In that episode, I explored the idea that as we journey through our daily lives, we carry within us a multitude of emotions and experiences. Some of what's inside us is fragile or delicate, while others are joyful or satisfying. However, there are moments when the contents of our internal cup spill out, often triggered by life's unexpected challenges. This phenomenon often leads to the typical expression heard in grief: "I don't know why I'm crying." I believe it's important to revisit this timeless concept, especially as we approach spring and upcoming holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, which can amplify feelings of grief. Whether you're hearing this analogy for the first time or could use a reminder, join me as we explore "What's in Your Cup" once more and discuss strategies for navigating difficult days ahead and beyond.

Recently, I felt compelled to express my thoughts in a manner different from my usual approach, aiming not just to articulate but to depict a profound understanding of why grief endures indefinitely. Even years after losing someone deeply cherished, the notion of "moving on" remains elusive for many. Within my bereavement group, we delve into strategies for navigating grief and what that truly entails in real-life terms. Each person shares unique perspectives and encounters, revealing the individualized nature of grief's journey, which extends far beyond simply progressing forward. Its manifestations vary, its progression unfolds diversely, and its timeline defies uniformity. This episode is dedicated to the intricate nature of grief and its constant presence. I encourage you to find comfort and openness, allowing the words to envelop you as we explore the complexities of grief together, perhaps even inviting you to confront that blank page yourself.

Your thoughts wield significant influence, shaping your experiences and impacting your well-being. The quality of your internal dialogue holds substantial power, often evolving into beliefs that shape your outlook and actions. This influence can be constructive, driving self-motivation, or detrimental, fostering self-doubt. Just as the nutrients we consume affect our physical health, our thoughts profoundly affect our mental well-being. They can either bolster our resilience and positivity or lead us down paths of negativity and weakness. The reassuring truth is that we can steer the course of our thoughts, influencing our happiness and mental health, even amidst the challenges of grief. Let's take a moment to examine our inner thoughts closely and explore strategies to cultivate beneficial ones for our future well-being.

It's widely acknowledged that navigating grief is an intricate and challenging process for most individuals. Yet, amidst this recognition, the extent and intricacy of secondary loss often remain underappreciated. Secondary loss refers to the additional losses that accompany the passing of a loved one. These losses manifest in various ways, such as abandoning plans that were once shared with the deceased, which can no longer be realized in their absence. This notion of secondary loss illustrates just one facet of its complexity, serving as a reminder that grief encompasses a multitude of losses beyond the initial departure of a loved one.

Anticipatory grief refers to the distress that individuals may feel leading up to the death of a loved one or another impending loss, whether days, months, or even years in advance. The experience of knowing change is coming can start the grieving process in anticipation of that loss.

Many people have encountered anticipatory grief without recognizing its name or concept. Reflecting on personal experiences and discussions with others, it has become evident that this form of grief is more common than initially perceived. Bringing attention to anticipatory grief aims to shed light on it for those unfamiliar, reframing knowledge as understanding, which empowers individuals navigating grief. Understanding anticipatory grief can ease the journey through bereavement and offer valuable insights into the grieving process as a whole.

Since its inception, the Journey to Grateful podcast has been driven by my mission to offer diverse perspectives on the grieving process, utilizing storytelling, inspiration, insights, and personal experiences. Periodically, I receive comments or emails from listeners in response to a specific episode or a recurring theme spanning multiple episodes. Today's episode is directly inspired by such feedback from several listeners.

A common thread emerges from their messages, detailing their ongoing efforts to navigate various aspects of moving forward and coping with grief in their daily lives. They generously share their triumphs and concerns, hoping that their experiences might offer solace or guidance to others facing similar challenges.

The reality of taking steps toward progress and learning to live with grief often diverges from preconceived notions. In this episode, I invite you to join me as I relay, in their own words, the journeys of these individuals as they strive to move forward amidst grief as I interject my own.