Podcast

Just like a book is more than its pages, encompassing the breadth of words, the complexity of details, and the depth of emotions that shape the narrative, so too is your life after losing someone who played a pivotal role in shaping your story. It comprises every moment they walked by your side, every gentle touch, every wonderful laugh, every shared teardrop, and every memory you now hold dear. Even in the solitude of today, when you may feel down, sad, or lost, you extend far beyond a single challenging moment because of the entirety of your story. You transcend a small slice of your past or the recent week, whether good or bad, triumphant or insignificant, not confined to the tears recently shed or the difficult moments survived. You are the sum of your story, not limited to one isolated moment.

In this episode, the suggestion is made that, even amid grief, each individual possesses the power to influence the unfolding story ahead. The approach chosen for each day holds sway over the story being written. In any given moment in a day, you may experience grief and sorrow, but simultaneously, you embody life, joy, love, strength, inspiration, purpose, gratefulness, and so much more.

I believe it's essential for all of us to intentionally slow down, pause, and observe our surroundings more frequently than we currently allow ourselves. This is not solely because life has a tendency to swiftly slip away, a realization we're all too familiar with, but also because within the constant hustle of our daily lives, there exist numerous unique perspectives from others that offer crucial and valuable lessons. Embracing a fresh outlook on various facets of life can serve as a reminder of beliefs we might have either lost or entirely forgotten over time. When grief becomes a part of our daily existence, it becomes even more imperative to take notice of these deficits and reacquaint ourselves with life's essentials.

In my search for such a perspective, I stumbled upon an article that has the potential to offer each of us a much-needed, refreshing viewpoint. Though the subject matter is intricate, at its core, the message is simple—coming from the most unexpected source: children. That, precisely, is why I've chosen to share this today. Navigating and surviving grief often leads us to overlook simple things that could aid in our survival. Our perspective on life can easily be obscured by the weight of grief, causing us to forget the importance of one fundamental element: love. In the midst of grief, we may misplace our appreciation for any remaining love, thereby becoming blind to the lessons learned, the moments witnessed, and the experiences accumulated over time. Today, I want to delve into the theme of love and our forgotten capacity for it as we navigate through grief and move toward whatever lies ahead. Let's embark on this journey together and rediscover an essential piece of our path.

The individuals with whom you choose to surround yourself hold significant importance throughout your entire life, and this influence becomes even more pronounced during times of grief. I count myself exceptionally fortunate to have received incredible support from my family and a diverse group of friends who have offered unwavering assistance in numerous ways. Among these friends are those who simply provide feedback on the episodes of this podcast. As a podcast listener, you may not be aware that responses and feedback on our work are surprisingly limited. When my friend Amanda, the creator and host of the travel podcast "Me & the Magic," shared her thoughts on Episode 116 - "It’s OK Not to Be OK," she not only affirmed the episode but also introduced a second viewpoint, which became the foundation for this episode, "The Guilt of Grief." Amanda reflected on how the episode made her ponder the flip side of grief, suggesting that moments of being okay during grief could be accompanied by feelings of guilt. There is no doubt that her insight deserves further discussion and clarification, especially for those of us who struggle to grant ourselves grace when experiencing the guilt of grief.

Join me for a distinctive perspective on how we, as grievers and mourners, can navigate those instances in our grief journey when it feels like we're losing our footing. As we seek a fresh, stable direction for our lives moving forward, it becomes apparent that we might need to initiate discussions about the topics we often avoid. The things we don't talk about.

I urge you to accompany me as I express my thoughts, realizations, and experiences on this matter and encourage you to contribute your own insights to the ongoing conversation.

I'll confess, I believe the topic of this episode may be long overdue. While I've touched upon this idea in previous episodes, I sense it's time for it to stand on its own. The reason is simple: I believe an increasing number of people may not fully grasp this straightforward fact—it's okay to not be okay.

As human beings navigating the journey of grief, there are moments when we simply have to acknowledge and embrace the reality that we're not okay. Feeling emotions and allowing ourselves to experience the depth of our feelings is an integral part of our humanity.

This episode aims to delve into the notion that, as humans, we often hold onto the belief that we must always project strength. However, I contend that this belief might be doing us a disservice to our collective ability to progress through the grieving process.

Today, I pose a question to you: Does grief possess inherent value? I venture to guess that none of the listeners to this episode have ever contemplated this inquiry, nor have you pondered the potential value of grief in your life as you mourn that special someone who still occupies a significant part of your heart. This notion extends to self-value as well. Consider this: What is YOUR value?

While we often reflect on our purpose and our contribution to life as a whole, the question of our intrinsic value may not have received due consideration. The direction I'm heading with this thought stems from a fascinating concept that sheds an intriguing light on how we perceive value.

Taking it a step further, I propose that similarly, we can regard grief as possessing a value in our lives—its significance contingent upon what we choose to do with our grief. So, what will you do with yours?

Approximately two months ago, I came across the phrase, "Die with memories, not dreams." Revisiting it today, I still perceive it as a profound and meaningful mantra to embrace in life. This perspective prompts me to ponder the question for all of us: "How many dreams do you currently hold that have yet to transform into memories?" In addition, which of these dreams are within your capacity to pursue? More importantly, I believe a crucial question remains for myself, personally: Will I actively pursue them? Will you?

Have you ever found yourself in the company of friends in a laid-back, public environment, only to unexpectedly trip and tumble to the ground? In that moment, as you gather yourself and try to maintain your composure, there's a touch of embarrassment that creeps in. You attempt to find humor in the situation before your friends do.

I acknowledge that this might seem like an unusual analogy, but I'd like to propose that there's a facet of navigating life with grief that mirrors this experience. Join me as I explore the connection a common trip and tumble has with the daily struggles with grief.

In this episode, although it centers on the unique perspective of an individual who has experienced the loss of a child, its overarching message seamlessly extends to encompass any form of loss and grief. The discussion today delves into the insights of someone navigating the intricate path of grief, offering a profound understanding of their thought processes while interacting with others during this journey. Their candid words provide a truthful and straightforward examination of the mindset associated with grief, shedding light not only on the immediate weeks or months post-loss but, somewhat surprisingly, even extending to years beyond. Throughout the dialogue, I will integrate personal observations and experiences into each of the "Ten Things to Know About Grief," with the goal of fostering a more accurate comprehension of grief. Whether you find yourself supporting someone on their grief journey or personally navigating this path with uncertainty about what lies ahead, the aim is to enhance understanding and provide insight into the unpredictable nature of the grieving process.

Throughout numerous episodes of the Journey to Grateful podcast, I have consistently emphasized the overarching notion of the significance of simply being present for someone grappling with grief. It doesn't necessitate extravagant or intricate actions to provide assistance; the key is to just show up.

I'm confident that many individuals, like myself, have aspired to offer meaningful support to someone navigating loss, only to struggle with a sense of inadequacy regarding what we can genuinely do to help. I often find myself pondering the deceptively simple question, "What can I do to help?" Over the years, my conclusion has become clear: "Showing up" is the most impactful gesture.

Whether it involves sitting by their side, providing a listening ear, or serving as a sounding board for their emotions, there is immense power and value in the act of showing up. It begins with the subtle yet profound gesture of being the person your friend can authentically open up to when they feel ready to do so.

The sense of loneliness following a loss isn't solely a result of the absence of a loved one; it is exacerbated by friends and family who may choose to maintain distance due to the belief that they can't offer any assistance or simply because they are unwilling to confront the uncomfortable realities of grief.

Allow me to share a story that might enhance our comprehension of The Power of Showing Up and underscore the importance of the smallest, considerate gestures.